Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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