Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they're like a gay fantastic four
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
