well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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