So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Barsexuality is the new black.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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