Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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