i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
