There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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