i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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