I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
