I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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