oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
