8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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