she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am full of burrito and curiosity
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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