Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
