John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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