Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
