Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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