well I can't set my house on fire every night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
