I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
