I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
