i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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