My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
