She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My life is pants optional.
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