Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize