Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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