Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
