did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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