Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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