i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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