Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
