what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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