So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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