I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am mentally ready for anal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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