Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
