Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am one with the molecules
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
