he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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