either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
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week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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