I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
