if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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