The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
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Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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