I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
