he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
