halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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