We should be called the Road Head Warriors
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
