One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
