how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
