Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
