Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
