a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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