if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
