my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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