By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
