I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just had sex on a roof
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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