a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
