roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
