; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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