I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
