is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
