I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
