My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
