Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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