If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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