the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
