Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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