He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
