We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
